Why Children Don't Listen? Understanding Children's Defying Behavior

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Hi,
One of the biggest challenges that confront parents around the world is the defying attitude of their children especially refusing to listen to their parents. How many times have you heard a parent utter in sheer frustration: “Why my children are not listening to me?” When children refuse to listen to their parents, a gap in communication occurs and this might lead to multidimensional family problems.

Are our children ready to listen to what we say to them? Are parents just becoming monotonous and boring that even their children do not listen to them? In other words, do parents simply fail to say something that is truly interesting? How can parents be interesting and lively so that children start listening to them?

Effective communication occurs only when two people are ready to listen to each other. When one speaks, the other will listen to the words spoken at the other end. Communication can occur in a dual channel mode and silence is the biggest enemy that might lead to confusions and conflicts of opinions. An inspiring parent is the one who is not only interesting, but also efficient in asking the right type of questions. The important social art of listening is critical for both parents and children. Have a great day.

Thought for today:
"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen." - Ernest Hemingway

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Why Children Don't Listen? Understanding Children's Defying Behavior
Why children simply refuse to listen to their parents? What makes them neglect their parents and their instructions? Children refusing to listen to their parents could be a defying behavior. Click to learn more.

Why Children Don't Listen? The Delicate Art of Listening
Listening and communicating are two faces of the same coin. One will not exist without the other. They are interdependent and inclusive. Here are some techniques that you can deploy to make your children listen to others.

Q1: Our son was recently tested. In his verbal he scored 93, Math 99 and non-verbal 98 I was told he is classified as 'Profoundly Gifted' what does this mean for our child and for us as his parents. Our son is nine years old. I am a little overwhelmed with talk of more tests and programs that are being presented. We live on a rule farm and do not have a lot of resources available. Thank you!

A: Gifted children are those who are tested to have an IQ of at least two standard deviations from the mean of 100. This means an IQ of at least 130. However, gifted children do not have the same level of abilities and an IQ of 130 is just the tip of giftedness. Highly or extremely gifted, which is also known as profoundly gifted, are on the highest end of the gifted ability range. The further they deviate from the mean, the more likely they may demonstrate much higher abilities and also more challenges.... Continue to read Dr. Sandhu's answer on Profoundly Gifted Child here.

Q2: I test students for giftedness using the Frasier Talents Assessment Profile, a method that uses IQ as only one of many measures to determine "giftedness". My district only let's us test grades 3-5. For K-2 we use IQ as the dominant criteria. Many diagnosticians claim K-2 is too early to test IQ. I have seen research that contradicts this opinion, but cannot seem to find it. Could you list some articles, scholarly or popular, that have definitive, research based conclusions on the efficacy of IQ testing for K-2? Thank you.

A: I am assuming that a child at K-2 would be of 5 years of age. For any formal evaluation on IQ, it is generally recommended that IQ testing for gifted children be done between age 5 and 12. Beyond 12, even the moderately gifted child is likely to encounter test ceiling effects. For the highly or profoundly gifted child, ceiling effects are in place on many measures which may begin as young as 8 (including the supplemental Stanford-Binet L-M). Research shows that for the average child, IQ test scores are reliable around age 8.... Continue to read Dr. Sandhu's answer on Intelligence Test at K-2 level here.

Q3: Our daughter is very advanced for her age (5) and has shown signs from an early age of giftedness - at 15 months she knew her shapes, the alphabet, and could count to 10 and recognize the numbers meaningfully. This is not something we pushed for, she naturally wants to learn. That's the up side - the down side is that she is emotionally immature, she is currently in kindergarten and it is the 4th school she has been to - we were asked to leave 2 of the child learning centers...

A: I believe that your child may be twice exceptional - cognitively gifted with some behavioural issue that causes impacts learning. Dealing with kids who are twice exceptional can be extremely confusing. On one side, the child is very able and on the other side, the child may be lagging behind peers. Hence, it is not surprising for these children to be misperceived as disruptive, lazy, stubborn, careless, or unmotivated..... Continue to read Dr. Sandhu's answer on Possibly Twice Exceptional (Gifted with Special Needs) here.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Faber and Mazlish (coauthors of Siblings Without Rivalry) provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your house.

The "Reminder" pages, helpful cartoon illustrations, and excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. The book can be used alone or in parenting groups, and the solid tools provided are appropriate for kids of all ages. An exceptional work, not simply just another 'how to' book. All parents can use these methods to improve the everyday quality of their relationships with their children.

Teaching Children to Listen: A practical approach to developing children's listening skills
By Liz Spooner and Jacqui Woodcock

The authors...summarize published research and their own findings in seven schools, and address how adults use language and how to simplify it. This handbook provides a practical, efficient way to develop a fundamental skill. I would have no hesitation in recommending.

Teaching Children to Listen outlines a whole-school approach to improving listening skills. It begins by looking at why listening skills are important and how to overcome barriers to achieving them, before pinpointing the behaviors that children need to learn in order to be a good listener.

Art, music stimulates brain, helps with cognitive development
Kansas State Collegian Oct 23, 2011

Everyone knows that learning your multiplication tables, state capitals and doing traditional course work as a child is a typical approach to commit important facts and concepts to memory. However, we as a nation must not forget how important the effects of fun, spatially stimulating activities like art and music are to cognitive development. Creative thinking greatly stimulates the brain and have been proven to do everything from making reasoning skills stronger to improving mood, behavior and concentration.

Debate Over Intelligence and Creativity Holds Little Relevance
HuffingtonPost Oct 13, 2011

Is there a relationship between IQ, or intelligence, and creativity? If so, what is it? Equally important, how can we use one measurement to test another? What makes all this so important is simply that creativity is now widely recognized as one of the most important ingredients to success in the new economy and intelligence -- IQ at least -- has been, strangely some say, growing at 3% per decade as reported in the Cambridge Journal of Biosocial Science.

Video games 'can alter children's brains'
The Telegraph Oct 14, 2011

Children should "feel the grass under their feet" rather than play addictive computer games that can harm their mental development, a leading scientist has said.

Gifted child? Study shows kids' IQs can change during the teen years
CA Shine Oct 21, 2011

Researchers at the University College London used neuroimaging to test whether fluctuations in the kids' IQ test scores might be linked to brain development. They tested the same kids again four years later, and were surprised by the results: Though the group's average IQ remained about the same, some teens' scores had gone up by as much as 20 points, while others had fallen by nearly as much.

How Touch and Movement Contribute to the Development of the Brain
Science Daily Oct 14, 2011

Every expectant mother is aware of fetal movements in the late stages of pregnancy. It is known that the frequency of fetal movements is correlated with the physical fitness of the newborn child. What is the functional role of these irregular, non-coordinated movements in the brain development? And what are the neuronal processes that facilitate the brain development in result of these movements?

When Parenting Styles Differ
Web MD Oct 19, 2011

When your parenting style differs from that of your partner, tensions can run high. Take the case of Leigh Henry, 37, of San Antonio, Texas. Leigh doesn't always agree with her husband, Ryan, also 37, on how best to parent their toddler and preschooler.

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