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The Secrets to Raising a Smarter Child
- By Inderbir Sandhu, Ph.D


Why Children Don't Listen? Understanding Children's Defying Behavior

By Andrew Loh

Children are lot more selective and choosy when it comes to listening. Children like to listen only when they want to. They have their preferences and choices when listening. They can hear what they want to, be them listening to their favorite music or watching cartoon shows. However, when their mothers ask for something or instruct them to do something, children suddenly become very deaf. Most probably, parents use every possible trick in the world to make their children listen to their words. At times, they may even shout and yell at their children.

This is a common situation in almost every home in the world. As children become deaf while choosing what to listen, parents start getting nervous and exasperated. Just ask any parent about their most difficult discipline challenge at home. Most probably, that parent will have a ready-made answer - "my children never ever listen to me".

Listening to someone is an art and a great social skill. For example, two people talking to each other. When a person talks to the other, the other person will most probably thinking what he or she should talk the other person. In fact, it is hint of selfishness - what should I tell the other person and not actually listening to him or her. Children are made to deny or defy others. In fact, children never like someone to tell them something. For them something is very important if it relates to their interest.

How do parents find solutions for this unique problem? Not listening to parents is child-defying behavior. It is also an act rebellion. In fact, rebellion is way to express one's individuality and sense of independence. Dealing with this behavior will lead a parent feeling lost power and control. It means that parents should find some ways to train children to listen to other people.

Here are some basic guidelines to help children develop the art listening:

Sources of defying behavior

Three important trigger may make a child develop the defying behavior. Stress conditions, failure at school and peer pressure could act very powerful triggers to make your children non-cooperative. Finding the source is quite difficult because all the three conditions may act on your children at the same time. However, they give some ideas about the action plans you can deploy at home.

Initiate dialogues to understand your children mind

Let your children be your friends. Treat them in that way. Be firm all the while developing friendship. Friendship on a personal level cans a great level playing field. With a closely initiated dialogue, you can open up your children's mind. Once you open up your children, they will tell you some reasons that are turning them into defying characters.

Never ever, get angry

Continual defying behavior makes parents lose their patience and become mad. They may become angry and start shouting at their children. However, this is not a correct way to teach your children the social art of listening. Anger always begets disobedience and lack of respect.

Understand your children properly

Children are always children. They are fickle, unstable, nervous and rebellious. There are many reasons for them to act in a specific way. Children never do anything intentionally. You should give your children some time to learn the art of listening. Being a small child is never easy for him or her.

Pat your children for good behavior

When your children listen to you, compliment them with thanks. This will motivate them to learn art very quickly. Complimenting children for good behavior is a passive way of positive reinforcement. One instance of listening to you, should be treated as one successful way of achieving the desired target. Punishment is a negative reinforcement and it will induce non-cooperation from your children.

Explain why not listening to others is a bad idea

Children never know what they are doing is a bad idea. For them, reasons never matter. Parents should find out a way to explain them about the problem of not listening to others. It is an art of negotiation - parents explain about the good and bad to convince children to show good behavior. When children understand that listening to others can make them socially popular, they will start changing their mindset.

Listening to others is an essential social art and great mechanism to develop personal relationships. The art of listening is a slow process to master. One should listen to others with attention to know what they are talking. Listening is a also a channel to understand other's problems. Contine to read Why Children Don't Listen? The Delicate Art of Listening


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