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The Secrets to Raising a Smarter Child
- By Inderbir Sandhu, Ph.D


Building Resilience in Children - Basic Methods and Techniques

By Andrew Loh

Understanding resilience is actually quite difficult, as it is a psychological feeling. Children often find it very difficult to express their innate feelings of fear and scare. When a child undergoes a fearful or frightful experience, he or she will tend to withdraw into a self made shell that inhibits their mental strength and stamina. The result will be a situation, where the child will lose self image and self confidence.

Teaching or enhancing resilience among children is a tough task, as you will be dealing with their psychological behavior. Every child is different! So is your child! You may need to understand why your children are not showing the basic attitude of resilience. Here are some basic methods and techniques that you can use to help your children develop resilience:

Self Confidence

The first and the foremost thing to remember here is that the character of self confidence is the main source of resilience. Your children should know the importance of developing self-confidence, so that they can succeed in their life. They should believe in their abilities and inner strength. They should also believe that they can do anything and nothing is impossible in the world. Self confidence acts like a lever that can propel your children forward towards unqualified success. You may wish to use a number of keywords and their phrases that are positive and self energizing.


  • You can

  • You will

  • It is so easy

  • It is so flexible

  • It possible

  • You will succeed

  • Success will come to you

  • You are capable


Resilience comes through a trusting and mutual relationship that is also positive and rejuvenating. You should trust your children more than ever. Believe in their abilities to perform well in their studies and classrooms. Love and accept your child and respect their characters. Provide them unconditional support in whatever they do or perform.


  • Set a family time schedule that is convenient both to you, your spouse and children. Dedicate this time to converse and talk about all general issues. You can reserve some time for inquiring about your children's problems and worries. Trust what your children say and utter. They may be wrong, but they will have something to tell you. Show them concern and affection.

  • Use loving and encouraging words and sentences, when you are talking to your children. There are hundreds of such words that you can use to encourage your children.


Setting some basic rules in your home may bring some sense of order in your children's lives. Strict discipline will help them learn and understand the basics of life. Once they know how to obey rules, they can streamline their lives towards developing the power of resilience. Once it becomes a habit, your children will follow them without any problem. Whenever your children break some rules, you may tell them why discipline and rules are important for their success in the future. When your children understand the importance of these rules, they will automatically become focused on their future achievements.


  • When your children know and understand why they should follow rules, they will develop the basic attitude of “I can”.

  • When your children achieve a time sensitive goal, they will feel proud of their achievements, which in turn will assist them in enhancing the basic character of resilience.

For an ordinary child, the term resilience may generate from their immediate surroundings. Children's classrooms and their peers may be the biggest source of concerns for them. In fact, some children may even develop negativities about their classes, teachers and the intensive pressure to perform better in tests. Most of the children, who go to their schools, may be less resilient. Bullying by senior students and other children may be one of the biggest negative influences that can hinder children from developing resilience.

When your children complain about someone bullying them, you can reassure them that you will talk to the concerned teacher about the incident. Alternatively, you can even ask your children to complain with their teachers about the incident. When you reassure your children, they will feel satisfied and happy that there is someone who can listen to their genuine problems.

Resilience in children is developing that sense of toughness and rigidness that help them in solving most common day to day problems. However, there are some problems that relate to more serious issues. Under such incidences, your children may depend on you to solve their problems. Resilience is also a psychological benefit and advantage that can assist your children face any adverse situations with very high levels of confidence and motivation.

Featured Resource

A Parent's Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings
By Dr. Kenneth R.Ginsberg

Today's children face a great deal of stress - academic performance, heavy scheduling, high achievement standards, media messages, peer pressures, family tension. Without healthier solutions, they often cope by talking back, giving up, or indulging in unhealthy behaviors. Show your child how to bounce back - and THRIVE - with coping strategies from one of the nation's foremost experts in adolescent medicine.

This 7-C plan for resilience helps kids of all ages learn competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control to help them bounce back from challenges. You'll find effective strategies to help your children and teens.


Featured Resource


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