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The Secrets to Raising a Smarter Child
- By Inderbir Sandhu, Ph.D


Helping Children to Control Anger - Basics of Anger

By Andrew Loh

Humans possess many natural traits and genetic characters. Anger is one of them. Every human experiences this basic emotion almost on every day. An emotional hurt or grievance can easily trigger anger in us. Anger is an extremely unpleasing incidence that can occur in us, because of a number of intrinsic beliefs or feelings. Feelings of injury, mistreatment by others, opposition to our stern beliefs and unnecessary obstacles may act as precursors to developing anger. The basic feeling or experience of anger may be different among different people. Issues like the frequency of anger, its intensity and the duration are some of the factors that vary significantly among different people. Other issues like the threshold level of anger and the degree of comfort when feeling anger also relate to anger.

Some people keep getting angry throughout the day, while others may never feel anger in their life. Some of them can detect that they are getting angry, while others simply fail to notice that it is occurring in them. On an average, a person experiences one incident of anger everyday, while he or she may feel annoyance many times in the same period. In fact, a person who has an inclination towards getting anger may experience it ten to fifteen times every day. In essence, getting angry is a necessary and unavoidable scenario for almost everybody.

Anger is just like a double-edged sword. It can cut both ways, if one is not careful. It could be constructive or destructive. Well-managed anger will have positive consequences in life, while uncontrolled anger may even destroy one's life. Anger is an alarm that warns you that there is something bad within you. It also means that the environment within you is not right. Anger can cripple your mind and take your senses as a hostage.

It can easily entrap your attention and tolerance. How you manage, your anger can decide, how you lead your life. Anger could be extremely infectious. When you are angry, you can make others angry too. You can easily trigger violence in others as well. One of the pitfalls of anger is that you can easily alienate your friends and colleagues. It means that you will face social isolation, if you feel excessively angry in your day-to-day life.

Research findings suggest us that anger has a short life and it dissipates after sometime. People acquire this problem as they develop in mental age. Chronic anger and intrinsic aggressiveness usually come later in life, as we reach adulthood stage. Children are as good as an adult in acquiring the trait of anger. In essence, children acquire this behavior over time as they grow in their age. Children usually acquire this character, when they see their parents and other elders behave angrily. In fact, children acquire this copycat mechanism on a daily basis.

For example, children who grow in a hostile environment tend to pick up this trait very easily. Quarrelling parents and siblings may act as catalysts to fuel the character of anger and aggressiveness. In small children, anger is a normal character. If they feel that their interests and feeling of happiness are at risk or danger, they will develop a feeling of anger. Anger in children is also a by-product of intensive emotions. Anger in children could be detrimental because they may not know how to control it. They may not have the same level of mental maturity that an adult possesses. Therefore, parents will need to help their children control and manage anger in an appropriate manner.

Children may not be able to express themselves in a calm and quiet manner. In fact, they do not have a mechanism through which they can vent their feeling of anger. The only way that they can express their feelings is through crying. Channelizing excessive anger towards constructive activities will help them achieve many positive things in life. Another problem that a child faces is the lack of skill to know how to control anger. Obviously, they cannot expect to control anger because of their mental growth and attitude.

Anger is just like raging fire, when it goes out of control. It can provide a sharp response to an emerging situation. This reaction could be positive or negative depending on the control mechanism. Parents may need to teach their children how to manage anger by controlling their own anger mechanism. In fact, they may need to develop an anger-control model themselves before trying to repeat it in their children. Continue to read Helping Children to Control Anger - Anger Management Techniques


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