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The Secrets to Raising a Smarter Child
- By Inderbir Sandhu, Ph.D


How to Discipline Children without Punishment - Part I

By Andrew Loh

Learning different child discipline techniques is an important and critical parenting skill that you should master. Teaching discipline to your child is an important activity that can help your child become a responsible citizen. Discipline is an important behavior for everyone, who aspires to be well mannered, affable, pleasing and good person. Child discipline is not similar to punishing your child. Rather, child discipline has to do quite a lot with teaching responsible behavior to your children. It involves teaching your children a number of useful things such as:

  • Teaching your children what is right and wrong.

  • How to respect the rights of others.

  • Teaching the behaviors that are acceptable to others.

  • Learning to identify behaviors that are socially bad

The ultimate goal of child discipline is to raise a child, who is socially, mentally and emotionally responsible and secure person. In essence, when you teach your child how to be disciplined, you will help him or her to become:

  • Secure and loved

  • Affectionate

  • Affable

  • Self confident

A child, who is self disciplined, will know how to control anger and impulses. He or she will also learn how not to get overtly frustrated and disappointed with most normal stresses and pressures of life. Disciplining a child is an art and science. Many parents still believe that disciplining a child is all about punishing and scolding. Learning how to be disciplined is a positive behavior. It is about guiding your children in a positive way. You may wish to appreciate some important differences between disciple and punishment. When you teach discipline to your child, you are telling your child how to learn self control. Children always try to lean the advantage of doing what is right and wrong. Discipline helps them to create a self value system that takes them forward to design and set a productive life. Just take the example of honesty and integrity. Because of learning how to be self disciplined, your child will start to speak and act in an honest manner. With self discipline, your child knows how to be honest with others, and he or she also knows why being honest and truthful, is an intelligent and wise thing to do.

Teaching discipline to your child is a dicey task. Teaching discipline without punishing children is an intelligent act. Punishment is an ultimate form of disciplining your children. You may wish to ask your conscience and inner mind, whether it is a good thing to punish your child or not. You may also wish to know why scolding or abusing your child could be very dangerous and unfruitful in the end.

Many parents may not know the negative influence of scolding or abusing their children. Just consider the following scenarios when parents spank, scold, beat or abuse their children at the spur of the moment, when their children act in an irresponsible manner:

Note: Parents who spank or beat their children rather than using other discipline methods always say:

......“Nothing works”
...... “They should know who the boss in home is”
...... “You just cannot let them go away with anything”
...... “Did they ask for it?”
...... “Now, I have cleared the air”
...... “It is my job to discipline them”

Parents may also give several reasons for spanking or abusing their children. Some of these reasons could be as follows:

......“When I get angry at someone, I take it on my child”
...... “I do not have any other way of teaching my child how to be disciplined”
...... “I feel my tensions go away when I beat them”
...... “I am a responsible parent”
...... “I feel that I am in total control”

However, both past and recent research conducted by leading experts suggest us that scolding or spanking your children is a negative behavior on the part of parents. One can never discipline their children with these negative behaviors. Mind you, punishment is a negative method of disciplining your child that uses pain and unpleasantness to stop your child, who is doing something wrong. Punishment can stop the bad behavior for the moment. It never teaches your child the good behavior you always wanted to teach. Punishment can stop the bad behavior only for the time. It is not permanent. Punishment can teach and train your children to avoid being caught at the act of bad behavior. Children's behavior is always directed toward preventing self from punishment.

Being a positive minded parent can have very good influences on your children. You may wish to learn and master how you can discipline your children without tears and by avoiding punishing them. It is easy and simple. You just need to apply the basic principles of human behavior. You just need to believe in yourself and avoid anything that is wrong. Mind you all children are different and each one of them have different temperament. They grow with different milestones and developmental levels. A particular style of disciplining may not work with every child. When you know and understand why your children are behaving in a negative manner, you can easily train them to learn how to be disciplined. You can be a great parent by raising children, who are not only responsible, but also duty bound, honest and truthful. What you need to know is how to discipline them without using negative and inferior methods of parenting. Continue to read How to Discipline Children without Punishment - Part II


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