How to Deal with Your Child's Inappropriate Behavior

Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviors. We are delighted if their behavior is mostly positive. But what if your child constantly demonstrates negative behavior? How are you going to deal with it?

It can get very frustrating for a mother who is yelled at every time she says 'no' to a child. In my clinic, I've seen parents who feel desperate when their son or daughter who used to behave like a "saint" is now rebellious, oppositional, and involved in drugs.

Different behaviors require varying degrees of discipline. There is no single method effective for all individuals and all types of unacceptable behavior.

One effective way of instilling order is by creating a graduated form of discipline — from a simple and effortless method to a more serious way of dealing with the behavior.

Certain behavior becomes worse if you pay attention to the child. Temper tantrum is one example. An effective way to deal with some behavior like temper tantrum is to ignore it. By doing this, you don't reward it with too much attention.

This is the second line of offence against inappropriate behavior. This type of discipline can deal with the first infractions regardless of whether they are major or minor. Granny gestures involve hand movements such as waving the right pointing finger back and forth after an incident. Immediately after an inappropriate behavior such as not cleaning up or not making the bed, wave your pointing finger.

Counting one to five is the next level if your child remains defiant or unresponsive to your granny gestures. This process requires a reminder that the unacceptable behavior still exists and if it continues after you count to five, then a more serious form of consequence will be enforced. Also, counting provides children the time to think and to realize their mistake.

Time-out is a more serious form of discipline. If the inappropriate behavior persists, you tell your child to go to one corner of your house. The corner should be well lit, safe, and not isolated. It should be a place where you can still see what your child is doing.

What should be the appropriate duration for time-out? In my opinion, the duration should depend upon the nature of the infraction, the frequency of such infraction, and the age of your child.

Taking away privileges requires that you first identify your child's likes and interests at home and that you take one or more of them away for a certain period of time as a consequence of inappropriate behavior.

Take away the toy or activity that interests your child. Taking away privileges should be time-limited, realistic, and feasible.

Dr. Michael G. Rayel – author (First Aid to Mental Illness–Finalist, Reader's Preference Choice Award 2002), psychiatrist, and inventor of Oikos Game: An Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Game. For more information about Oikos Game, visit www.oikosgame.com. His books are available at major online bookstores.

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